It is currently finals week, at 9:57 PM, and here I am, blogging about something I don't even think I should blog about because it is so stereotypical teenage-romantic-comedy and I feel like I am above it but I don't even care. I just need to write. I haven't written anything in a long time, mainly because the inspiration wasn't there, nor the motivation. But here they are, months later, and they couldn't have come at a worse time.
So this is my dilemma, Blog. I am an extremely awkward person. I try not to be but in the end I always turn out to be so derpy and making a fool out of myself in front of other people is something I'm extremely good at. I also tend to be very quiet and awkward around people who I do not know or people who I do not want to know. But I am never more awkward than I am in front of boys who I like. The second they start to talk to me it's like a trigger goes off in my head that says, "MUST ACT STUPID. MUST ACT WEIRD. MUST NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE NORMAL CONVERSATION." It's like my brain turns off. I stutter and sputter through sentences, I turn BRIGHT RED due to embarrassment, and no one fails to point it out. "Oh, hey Lizzie. I noticed that you are blushing quite profusely while you're talking to a guy who you seem to have interest in. I just thought that I'd point that out to you to make you turn even redder and to the boy who you are currently talking to." WHY THANK YOU SO MUCH, NOW PLEASE GO INTO A HOLE AND DON'T COME OUT. *le sigh*
Thankfully, I've slowly (and I mean VERY SLOWLY) become less awkward in front of the opposite sex. But the fact was that I only ever talked to them at large social gatherings or school. I had never hung out with a guy alone since the second grade where I went over to a boy's house to trade Yu Gi Oh cards with, until this week. And this week shouldn't even count because we were just studying for finals. But oh my god, I think I might like him BUT I DON'T WANT TO LIKE HIM. I just want to be friends. Why can't I control my own goddamn emotions? Why am I such a derp? ALSO, I am so bad at portraying the fact that I like someone. It's not like I ever try to play hard to get, I just have no idea how to flirt so I just end up acting like a friend who may not even like him that much and I've figured out the only way I can be friends with a guy is if I don't have a crush on him. So the friendship may soon combust due to my social awkwardness and the fact that I can't flirt and it's depressing because he's super nice and talented and I'm just a derp and I don't know what to do.
And I sound like a Disney Channel Movie. Ok. That was my rant. Toodles.
EDIT: The same guy texted my sister today. This has happened to me before.
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